Petition pointless, Larry Johnson unlikely to gain another 75 yards anyway

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – NFL experts and fantasy football team owners around the United States are chuckling at the petition floating around Kansas City, which asks the Chiefs’ staff to keep running back Larry Johnson from breaking the franchinse rushing record.

Johnson, who was suspended a week ago for using a gay slur and apparently questioning head coach Todd Haley’s credibility on Twitter, is just 73 yards away from tying Priest Holmes’ franchise rushing record of 5,933 yards.

Recently, three Chiefs fans started an online petition asking the front office and coaching staff to ensure Johnson does not get the opportunity to break the record. The petition has garnered nationwide publicity and has nearly 10,000 signatures.

Those who really follow football, however, say the petition is a useless gesture, mostly because there’s no way in hell Johnson will run for 74 more yards this season, even if he starts every remaining game.

Johnson is averaging 2.7 yards per carry this season and has zero touchdowns. If he keeps up the YPC average, he’d need around 30 carries to break Holmes’ mark and cement himself into Chiefs’ history. According to NFL insider Hal Nickenbockel, this whole process is a waste of time, because at this point Johnson can barely carry groceries three yards without falling down.

“You don’t need a petition to stop Larry Johnson, all it takes is about two and a half yards and footsteps,” said Nickenbockel. “Four years ago, Larry Johnson was running behind a Hall of Fame offensive line. Hell, Steve Bono could have started at running back and gained 1,000 yards behind that line. Those days are long gone. At this point, Johnson is falling down when he watches football on his big screen HDTV.”

Nearly everyone who has drafted Larry Johnson in fantasy football the past two seasons are also confused as to why a petition is necessary. Johnson, a former first-round lock, is now available in most every league, mostly because he sucks balls at football.

“I appreciate what the protesters are trying to accomplish, but to me, it doesn’t make much sense to go to all that work when it’s almost completely obvious there’s no way in hell “Lay-Down” Larry hits that mark this year,” said Troy Robinisky, a fantasy football player who has drafted Johnson the past four seasons. “He’s got, what, 9 games to gain 75 yards? Basically, he has to get slightly more than nine yards per game. Never gonna happen.”