Thursday, November 12, 2009

KU’s “Waving the wheat” a stupid tradition, says guy wearing corn on his head

OSBORN – High school student and Nebraska fan Tommy Harold described the “waving the wheat” tradition among University of Kansas students as “stupid” last Saturday during the Huskers’ 10-3 win over Oklahoma.

For years, the Jayhawk fans have celebrated touchdowns by raising their arms above their head and moving them side to side, as if to give the impression of Kansas wheat, waving in the wind.

Harold, wearing one of those giant yellow hats in the shape of a corn stalk, said the Jayhawk fans looked ridiculous when performing the waving action.

“What a bunch of ‘tards man,” said Harold, who, no kidding, has two separate corn hats, one for home games and one for watching tv while sitting on the couch. “Ooooo. Waving wheat. Because wheat grows in Kansas. How ingenious. Don’t they realize how stupid that makes them look?”

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

810 insiders: Kevin Kietzman kind of a whiney bitch

LEAWOOD – In a surprise to no one, reports are coming out of the 810 WHB studios that Kevin Ketizman, part owner of the radio station and host of the drive time show “Between the Lines” is a whiney bitch about pretty much everything.

While Kietzman is never at a loss for pissing and moaning about something insignificant, his latest tantrum occurred Monday, when he attacked his own radio station for ignoring the Kansas State Wildcats and their rise as the only non-horrible football team in the Big 12 North.

“He called an all-hands meeting among the hosts and demanded they all start talking about K-State. He was pretty upset. His voice kept cracking and I’m pretty sure he was fighting back tears,” said one intern who said most people were unfazed by the outburst. “This happens about once a month.”

Multiple insiders at the WHB studios said Kietzman may be best served by scaling back his show by a few hours to allow time for an afternoon nap.

“You remember when your kid was four years old, and he’d stayed up way too late the night before but got up at his usual time, and now it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and you’re in the grocery store and he’s screaming the top of his lungs and throwing things out of your cart?” said an 810 executive who refused to be named. “Kevin Kietzman is that four year old. Only with an ego the size of Texas.”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaa,” said Kietzman, when reached for comment. “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”