LEAWOOD – Results from a recent poll reveal that Kansas City Chiefs’ head coach Todd Haley may not be able to win two games with 22 guys off the street, mostly because he would have problems finding that many men willing to play for him.
In reference to the Chief’s 2008 season, in which the team went 2-14, Haley allegedly made the declaration that he could win two games with 22 random people. Haley is rumored to have made the statement in an attempt to insult Pro Bowl offensive lineman Brian Waters. Three weeks into the NFL season with Haley at the helm, the Chiefs are 0-3 and showing no signs of improvement week-to-week.
Pollsters spoke with 100 male Chiefs fans in and around 810 Sports Zone in Leawood, Kan., after the Chiefs’ loss to the Philadelphia Eagles Sunday. Results indicate fans do not believe Haley, with just 14 percent indicating they were confident in the Chiefs’ ability to coach 22 regular guys to at least two wins.
Unfortunately for Haley, the 14 percent was the high-water mark in the poll. Just 11 respondents said they would be willing to play for an “everyman’s squad” coached by Haley. And only nine answered that they believed Haley will win at least two games this year.
“Play for that a-hole? No thank you,” said Jim R., who lives in Belton, Mo., and had crossed the state line to watch the game with his brother. “That guy looks like a maniac on the sidelines. I have serious doubts he’s going to win two games in real NFL players, so I don’t see how he could win with me.”
Even with plenty of doubters, Haley would have a few options to pick from, should he choose to dump his NFL players for regular guys off the street.
“Are they serious about that? I played a little ball in college, and I was good man, I was real good,” said Taylor L., from Kansas City, Mo. “Someone once put a clock on me and I ran my 40-yard dash in 4.2 flat. Ran for about 1,200 yards with 16 TDs my last season in college. I even led my fraternity’s intramural squad to the semifinal championship game. You tell Haley that if he needs a running back, I’m here. Seriously, tell him that.”
Roger B., a contractor from Overland Park, thinks it’s possible to win two games with non-NFL players, but not if they’re being coached by Haley.
“To reach two wins, you’re either you’re going to need regular guys being led by a real NFL coach, or you’re going to need NFL players coached by a regular guy,” Roger said. “So if it’s a team of average Joe’s, you’ll need someone other than Todd Haley as the coach. Plus, that guy’s an asshole. You couldn’t pay me to play for him.”
Monday, September 28, 2009
Bloomquist hoping Dayton Moore stopped paying attention to him in June
As the Royals wind down their 2009 season, utility infielder and outfielder Willie Bloomquist continues to keep a low profile in and around Kauffman Stadium, desperately hoping Dayton Moore doesn’t realize he’s still supposed to be contributing to the team.
Bloomquist, who hasn’t spoken or made eye contact with Moore since June 11, has seen his offensive production plummet during the summer, to the point where he’s below an average replacement player in every possible way.
Moore was blasted for the Bloomquist signing this offseason, as the seven-year veteran had a reputation for offensive ineptitude, including last season, when he accumulated a total of one extra base hit in 165 at-bats. But after an incredibly hot start that saw Bloomquist hit .333 with a .439 OBP and an .863 OPS in the Royals’ 13 games in April, Moore was signing the praises of his utility star to anyone who would listen, going so far as to call Bloomquist the team’s early MVP.
“I had never hit that good ever, at any level, not even in grade school,” Bloomquist said. “To start out the season like that was amazing, and really took the pressure off of me for a few months.”
Bloomquist, however, knew those numbers wouldn’t last. That fear was quickly justified in May when he hit .258 with a .309 OBP and a .389 SLG. They dropped even further in June to .247/.281/.306. While his early season success propped up his sagging numbers for a few weeks, the overall numbers started to tick down quickly. Bloomquist assumed it would mean less playing time and a talk with Moore, but neither ever materialized.
“I was hitting horribly – or, to be more accurate – I was hitting exactly average for me, which is pretty bad for normal guys, but I kept hearing Dayton and Trey praise me and my offense and I kept playing every day,” said Bloomquist, who is making $1.4 million this season. “I really think they just stopped checking stats after the season tanked in early June.”
In hopes of keeping his job and paycheck, Bloomquist keeps his presence at Kauffman Stadium to a minimum, doing all he can to stay out of Moore’s eye line.
Ironically, Bloomquist said he’s most nervous after games when he performs well offensively. He’s thankful for those nights, which remind management of his value, but he’s always fearful they might actually look at his post-All Star break statistics, which now sit at .249/.287/.327. Thankfully for the veteran, those nights are few and far between.
“About two weeks ago, I had four hits and scored twice, and I was terrified after the game,” said Bloomquist. “Dayton was down in the clubhouse, congratulating players and I literally had to sneak into a bathroom stall for 35 minutes until I knew he was gone. I keep thinking sooner or later he’s going to look at my stats and I’ll be gone, but maybe if he doesn’t see me, he won’t think about my overall production this year.”
With just a week left in the season, Bloomquist can see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when Moore continues to shower the light-hitting scrapper with praise at every opportunity.
“Willie has been a tremendous addition to our organization and our team this year,” Moore said. “Were you not paying attention when we started out 18-11 this year? Willie was a huge part of that. He was hitting the ball all over the place. Has he come down a little? Maybe, but I’m not paying attention to numbers. We’ve had a lot of injuries and some bad luck come our way. And we can’t turn that 3-6-3 double play to save our lives. But Willie has been a solid professional who I hope stays in Kansas City for many years to come.”
Bloomquist, who hasn’t spoken or made eye contact with Moore since June 11, has seen his offensive production plummet during the summer, to the point where he’s below an average replacement player in every possible way.
Moore was blasted for the Bloomquist signing this offseason, as the seven-year veteran had a reputation for offensive ineptitude, including last season, when he accumulated a total of one extra base hit in 165 at-bats. But after an incredibly hot start that saw Bloomquist hit .333 with a .439 OBP and an .863 OPS in the Royals’ 13 games in April, Moore was signing the praises of his utility star to anyone who would listen, going so far as to call Bloomquist the team’s early MVP.
“I had never hit that good ever, at any level, not even in grade school,” Bloomquist said. “To start out the season like that was amazing, and really took the pressure off of me for a few months.”
Bloomquist, however, knew those numbers wouldn’t last. That fear was quickly justified in May when he hit .258 with a .309 OBP and a .389 SLG. They dropped even further in June to .247/.281/.306. While his early season success propped up his sagging numbers for a few weeks, the overall numbers started to tick down quickly. Bloomquist assumed it would mean less playing time and a talk with Moore, but neither ever materialized.
“I was hitting horribly – or, to be more accurate – I was hitting exactly average for me, which is pretty bad for normal guys, but I kept hearing Dayton and Trey praise me and my offense and I kept playing every day,” said Bloomquist, who is making $1.4 million this season. “I really think they just stopped checking stats after the season tanked in early June.”
In hopes of keeping his job and paycheck, Bloomquist keeps his presence at Kauffman Stadium to a minimum, doing all he can to stay out of Moore’s eye line.
Ironically, Bloomquist said he’s most nervous after games when he performs well offensively. He’s thankful for those nights, which remind management of his value, but he’s always fearful they might actually look at his post-All Star break statistics, which now sit at .249/.287/.327. Thankfully for the veteran, those nights are few and far between.
“About two weeks ago, I had four hits and scored twice, and I was terrified after the game,” said Bloomquist. “Dayton was down in the clubhouse, congratulating players and I literally had to sneak into a bathroom stall for 35 minutes until I knew he was gone. I keep thinking sooner or later he’s going to look at my stats and I’ll be gone, but maybe if he doesn’t see me, he won’t think about my overall production this year.”
With just a week left in the season, Bloomquist can see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when Moore continues to shower the light-hitting scrapper with praise at every opportunity.
“Willie has been a tremendous addition to our organization and our team this year,” Moore said. “Were you not paying attention when we started out 18-11 this year? Willie was a huge part of that. He was hitting the ball all over the place. Has he come down a little? Maybe, but I’m not paying attention to numbers. We’ve had a lot of injuries and some bad luck come our way. And we can’t turn that 3-6-3 double play to save our lives. But Willie has been a solid professional who I hope stays in Kansas City for many years to come.”
Kansas State fan angry about something
LEAVENWORTH – Employees at Ray’s Tire and Body Shop today reported that fellow co-worker, and longtime Kansas State Wildcat fan Rick Peters came into the shop riled up about something related to athletics.
According to reports, it’s the fourth time in the last three weeks Peters has come to work agitated about a situation involving Kansas State. However, none of his coworkers could confirm what Peters was upset about this time.
“I stopped paying attention to what he says last March after he threw his hot pocket at me,” said Brian Eggers, 34. “I was filling out an NCAA bracket and wanted to know if he was participating. Next thing I know yelling for 20 minutes about how unfair the selection process is, and how K-State was fourth in the Big 12. When I said I had heard they were actually tied for fourth with three other teams, he threw his lunch at me.”
Longtime co-worker Timothy Fletchall said most of the employees at Ray’s aren’t college fans.
“It’s hard to keep up,” Fletchall said about Peters’ rants. “Typically it’s about the referees or the media. But recently, he’s been pretty fired up about some Prince guy. I usually don’t know what he’s talking about. I’m more of a pro guy myself.”
A few of Peters’ blowups have landed him in hot water, although so far he’s escaped with just verbal or written warnings. Randy Veltor, a supervisor at the shop, said he had to remove the television from the customer’s waiting room after an incident involving Peters and a customer wearing an Oklahoma hat.
“One of our customers was watching the tv and clapped once when someone scored a touchdown against K-State. Rick got up in the guy’s face. I mean, really got nose to nose with the guy, screaming about some game in 2003,” said Veltor. “The guy kept saying he wasn’t an Oklahoma fan and he had gotten the hat for his birthday, but Rick wouldn’t let up until the guy took the hat off. Rick then stomped on it and made the guy do the same. I had to give the guy $100 off for his new tires just to keep him from calling the cops.”
Even Peters himself failed to recall what he was shouting about when he came into the office, but simply seeing a reporter sparked a new round of verbal assaults.
“Of course you’re going to write a story about this, and you’re probably going to attack K-State. Do you write for the KU Star,” said Peters, snickering to himself while decked out in a Wildcat sweatshirt and Zubaz pants. “You’re probably one of those Gayhawkers, aren’t you? Why don’t you go eat a few cheeseburgers with Fatgino, then cheat. Because that’s what Gayhawks do. Cheat. All of them. I hate you so much.”
According to reports, it’s the fourth time in the last three weeks Peters has come to work agitated about a situation involving Kansas State. However, none of his coworkers could confirm what Peters was upset about this time.
“I stopped paying attention to what he says last March after he threw his hot pocket at me,” said Brian Eggers, 34. “I was filling out an NCAA bracket and wanted to know if he was participating. Next thing I know yelling for 20 minutes about how unfair the selection process is, and how K-State was fourth in the Big 12. When I said I had heard they were actually tied for fourth with three other teams, he threw his lunch at me.”
Longtime co-worker Timothy Fletchall said most of the employees at Ray’s aren’t college fans.
“It’s hard to keep up,” Fletchall said about Peters’ rants. “Typically it’s about the referees or the media. But recently, he’s been pretty fired up about some Prince guy. I usually don’t know what he’s talking about. I’m more of a pro guy myself.”
A few of Peters’ blowups have landed him in hot water, although so far he’s escaped with just verbal or written warnings. Randy Veltor, a supervisor at the shop, said he had to remove the television from the customer’s waiting room after an incident involving Peters and a customer wearing an Oklahoma hat.
“One of our customers was watching the tv and clapped once when someone scored a touchdown against K-State. Rick got up in the guy’s face. I mean, really got nose to nose with the guy, screaming about some game in 2003,” said Veltor. “The guy kept saying he wasn’t an Oklahoma fan and he had gotten the hat for his birthday, but Rick wouldn’t let up until the guy took the hat off. Rick then stomped on it and made the guy do the same. I had to give the guy $100 off for his new tires just to keep him from calling the cops.”
Even Peters himself failed to recall what he was shouting about when he came into the office, but simply seeing a reporter sparked a new round of verbal assaults.
“Of course you’re going to write a story about this, and you’re probably going to attack K-State. Do you write for the KU Star,” said Peters, snickering to himself while decked out in a Wildcat sweatshirt and Zubaz pants. “You’re probably one of those Gayhawkers, aren’t you? Why don’t you go eat a few cheeseburgers with Fatgino, then cheat. Because that’s what Gayhawks do. Cheat. All of them. I hate you so much.”
Cotton shortage in the U.S. traced back to KU coach’s wardrobe
LAWRENCE – U.S. trade officials today announced they’ve discovered the culprit behind the United State’s depleted cotton resources and put an immediate halt to all production of velour track suits.
Craig Thompson, U.S. Deputity of Domestic Trade and Agriculture announced that University of Kansas football coach Mark Mangino is nearly single handedly wiping out all of the cotton produced in the United States. Mangino, famous for his obesity and his sleek wardrobe, is almost always seen wearing a blue and red, or blue and gray velour track suit while on the side lines at Kansas football games.
Because Mangino refuses to wear polyester or any synthetic material, cotton must be used to produce his outfits. He rarely re-wears the suit, opting instead to have it cut from his body after games.
“Clearly, this is an issue we need to address immediately,” said Thompson. “We are seriously almost out of cotton. I mean, it’s cotton. We produce an ungodly amount of it each day, and yet 96 percent of it is going to help clothe one man. Granted, those suits are stylish, but come on.”
Mangino remained defiant, assuring his team and his fans that his trademark suit would remain as much apart of Kansas football as his rosy cheeks, and his penchant for screaming at players until they breakdown sobbing.
“Velour track suits are Kansas football,” Mangino said. “We’ve built a tradition here at Kansas. You take those velour suits away; all you have are three bowl wins in four years. Literally, we’ve been playing football since 1890 and that’s all we have. You can’t take these suits away.”
Lew Perkins, University of Kansas’ Athletic Director, backed his coach’s decision to continue to order and wear velour.
“At Kansas, we are not indifferent to the needs of the world community and the shortage of cotton. But we are also aware that a strong athletic department must have a strong football team,” said Perkins, who demanded he be interviewed in a dark, mirrorless room. “If coach Mangino needs to wear velour to be successful, then that’s what’s going to happen. And I swear, if anyone tries to take that away from us, I will come at them with every fiber of my being. And I will not stop until one of us is dead.”
Craig Thompson, U.S. Deputity of Domestic Trade and Agriculture announced that University of Kansas football coach Mark Mangino is nearly single handedly wiping out all of the cotton produced in the United States. Mangino, famous for his obesity and his sleek wardrobe, is almost always seen wearing a blue and red, or blue and gray velour track suit while on the side lines at Kansas football games.
Because Mangino refuses to wear polyester or any synthetic material, cotton must be used to produce his outfits. He rarely re-wears the suit, opting instead to have it cut from his body after games.
“Clearly, this is an issue we need to address immediately,” said Thompson. “We are seriously almost out of cotton. I mean, it’s cotton. We produce an ungodly amount of it each day, and yet 96 percent of it is going to help clothe one man. Granted, those suits are stylish, but come on.”
Mangino remained defiant, assuring his team and his fans that his trademark suit would remain as much apart of Kansas football as his rosy cheeks, and his penchant for screaming at players until they breakdown sobbing.
“Velour track suits are Kansas football,” Mangino said. “We’ve built a tradition here at Kansas. You take those velour suits away; all you have are three bowl wins in four years. Literally, we’ve been playing football since 1890 and that’s all we have. You can’t take these suits away.”
Lew Perkins, University of Kansas’ Athletic Director, backed his coach’s decision to continue to order and wear velour.
“At Kansas, we are not indifferent to the needs of the world community and the shortage of cotton. But we are also aware that a strong athletic department must have a strong football team,” said Perkins, who demanded he be interviewed in a dark, mirrorless room. “If coach Mangino needs to wear velour to be successful, then that’s what’s going to happen. And I swear, if anyone tries to take that away from us, I will come at them with every fiber of my being. And I will not stop until one of us is dead.”
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