Moore giddy about Braves’ post season win

ATLANTA – Despite the Atlanta Braves first-round elimination from the MLB playoffs, Kansas City Royals General Manager Dayton Moore remained all smiles as he spoke about the Braves lone post season win.

Moore, a former assistant GM in the Atlanta Braves organization, sent outfielder Rick Ankiel and reliever Kyle Farnsworth to the Braves earlier this season in exchange for a few prospects. Both Ankiel and Farnsworth played big roles in the Braves victory, which at the time evened their series with San Francisco at 1-1.

Farnsworth got out of a late-inning bases-loaded jam by inducing a double play, and Ankiel hit what turned out to be the game-winning home run.

“Did you see the way Rick crushed that ball? That’s why we signed him, because he could do that,” Moore gushed to the FedEx delivery guy who had just showed up to pick up a package. “And Farnsy, boy did we get killed by fans and the press on that guy. But I think he just showed his value by getting out of that jam. That one win had to worth $9 million to Braves fans, and Royals fans should be proud of that.”

Moore also said the performances of the former Royals gives him confidence heading into the off season.

“I’m super excited for the free agency period to get here. I can’t wait until next October, when I’m watching former Royal Jeff Francoeur hit a walk off homer for the Angels.”

Report: Glass instructed Moore to ‘Prove a point’ about spending money

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – Unnamed sources inside the Kansas City Royals organization today revealed the past four seasons have been nothing more than a conspiracy cooked up by Royals’ owner David Glass and General Manager Dayton Moore.

The plan, which including spending money on horrible free agents was put in place to “teach the fans a lesson” that money doesn’t always equal success.

According to the reports, Glass had grown tired of being accused of all of the Royals troubles for his failure to spend any money on free agents during the tenure of former General Manager Allard Baird. After firing Baird, Glass reached out to Moore, promising him the General Manager job, a 100 percent increase in payroll, and a good parking spot, if Moore would promise to continually spend money on horrible free agents.

“People kept saying the Royals would win if (Glass) would just spend the money on free agents,” said a source, who refused to be named for fear of his job. “Mr. Glass took those accusations personally and really wanted to prove that even if he spent money, the Royals were still going to be very bad.”

Since his arrival, Moore has thrown millions of dollars at questionable free agents, even while better, cheaper opportunities were available. Since becoming general manager, he’s overpaid for players such as Jose Guillen, Kyle Farnsworth, Ron Mahay and Yasuhiko Yabuta.

Even his successes have been by accident.

“Dayton gave Gil Meche $55 million. This is an injury-prone pitcher who, in eight years, had only started at least 30 games twice, and was, at best marginal,” said the source. “Meche was supposed to be a disaster, instead, he comes to Kansas City and pitches at his value for two-plus years.”

Thus far, Glass’s plan is working to perfection. The Royals continue to toil at the bottom of the American League, despite an increase in payroll of nearly $25 million. Despite saying he had almost no payroll flexibility this off season, Moore has continued to bring in expensive, sub-par free agents, such as Scott Podsednik and 52-year old Jason Kendall.

“When Mr. Glass decides to prove a point, he doesn’t stop until it’s hammered into everyone’s mind,” said the source. “This is likely to continue until the fans apologize and ask him to stop spending more money.”

Dayton Moore kicked out of his fantasy baseball league

ATLANTA – Kansas City Royals General Manager Dayton Moore has been kicked out of the fantasy baseball league he’s participated in for the last seven years, according to sources close to the situation.

Moore, who began playing in the Yahoo! rotisserie keeper league, “Brave Brainpower” in 2002, has finished in last place three of the past four seasons, including last year’s debacle when he finished last in home runs, RBIs, runs scored, on-base percentage, walks and OPS.

It appears the decision was made during the winter meetings when Moore’s team, “the Processing Processors” finalized his keepers for the 2010 season, choosing to keep Willie Bloomquist, Willy Tavares, Edgar Renteria and Eric Bynes.

“Dayton isn’t being kicked out, we just decided to trim the league by one member,” said the league’s commissioner, who refused to be named, but goes by the username JShuerBrave. “It’s not that he wasn’t active. He was very active; probably more so than everyone else combined. We just want guys who are going to take this seriously, and not go out of their way to create the worst possible offensive lineup every day.”

Moore said there were no hard feelings and that he already had his hands full running three other fantasy teams.

“The thing they didn’t understand was that I was building something special, the process just hadn’t shown results yet,” said Moore. “But it’s cool, I was already spending a good 10 to 15 hours during the week managing four teams. This should free up some more time to concentrate on those teams.”

Dayton Moore really wishes you weren’t so f-ing stupid

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – Kansas City Royals General Manager Dayton Moore really wishes you weren’t so f-ing stupid, according to a statement released by the Royals today.

Moore, who served as the Royals’ GM since 2004, points his finger at the fans of the Kansas City Royals as part of the problem, calling the faithful “True Blue” supporters, “a bunch of goddamn retards who wouldn’t know a true baseball player if he walked up and spit tobacco juice all over their feet.”

The statement appears to be a response to criticism directed at Moore and Kansas City manager Trey Hillman as the Royals completely fell apart after May, and stumbled to 97 losses.

“How many times to I have to explain this goddamn process to idiots,” Moore said in his statement. “It’s a process, and it’s a process that we’re proud of. Did you not see the first month, when we were in first place? That’s part of the process too. Why can’t you numb nuts focus on that?”

Some of the criticism began before the season even started, when Moore was questioned on his acquisitions of players like Kyle Farnsworth, Mike Jacobs and Willie Bloomquist, and was heightened when he later traded for Yuniesky Betancourt.

Jacobs, Bloomquist and Betancourt are all notorious for an inability to get on base, and none are even average defensively. And as a reliever, Farnsworth has struggled in nearly every pressure opportunity throughout his baseball career.

Farnsworth turned out to be a disaster and all of three of the above position players were at the bottom of the league in on-base plus slugging percentage. In fact, just six Royals finished the season with an OPS above .750 – seven if you count pitcher Bruce Chen and his two plate appearances – and three of those players were catchers. Still, Moore says it’s the fans who need to adjust their way of thinking.

“No one outside of this organization can fully understand what we’re trying to do, because you all, yes, even you reading this article, are too dumb to comprehend how difficult it is to run a team,” said Moore. “It’s not about reading numbers, or listening to successful trends, or being on base a lot, or relying on stats that tell you the middle of your infield might be the worst in modern history. No. It’s about finding guys who are grinders. And it’s about finding guys who aren’t afraid to swing at a pitch in the dirt just because they probably won’t hit it. Or guys who hike their socks up to their mid-calf, thus giving the impression they’re good defenders. But no one in Kansas City would understand that. Because you’re all a bunch of fucking morons.”

Bloomquist hoping Dayton Moore stopped paying attention to him in June

As the Royals wind down their 2009 season, utility infielder and outfielder Willie Bloomquist continues to keep a low profile in and around Kauffman Stadium, desperately hoping Dayton Moore doesn’t realize he’s still supposed to be contributing to the team.

Bloomquist, who hasn’t spoken or made eye contact with Moore since June 11, has seen his offensive production plummet during the summer, to the point where he’s below an average replacement player in every possible way.

Moore was blasted for the Bloomquist signing this offseason, as the seven-year veteran had a reputation for offensive ineptitude, including last season, when he accumulated a total of one extra base hit in 165 at-bats. But after an incredibly hot start that saw Bloomquist hit .333 with a .439 OBP and an .863 OPS in the Royals’ 13 games in April, Moore was signing the praises of his utility star to anyone who would listen, going so far as to call Bloomquist the team’s early MVP.

“I had never hit that good ever, at any level, not even in grade school,” Bloomquist said. “To start out the season like that was amazing, and really took the pressure off of me for a few months.”

Bloomquist, however, knew those numbers wouldn’t last. That fear was quickly justified in May when he hit .258 with a .309 OBP and a .389 SLG. They dropped even further in June to .247/.281/.306. While his early season success propped up his sagging numbers for a few weeks, the overall numbers started to tick down quickly. Bloomquist assumed it would mean less playing time and a talk with Moore, but neither ever materialized.

“I was hitting horribly – or, to be more accurate – I was hitting exactly average for me, which is pretty bad for normal guys, but I kept hearing Dayton and Trey praise me and my offense and I kept playing every day,” said Bloomquist, who is making $1.4 million this season. “I really think they just stopped checking stats after the season tanked in early June.”

In hopes of keeping his job and paycheck, Bloomquist keeps his presence at Kauffman Stadium to a minimum, doing all he can to stay out of Moore’s eye line.

Ironically, Bloomquist said he’s most nervous after games when he performs well offensively. He’s thankful for those nights, which remind management of his value, but he’s always fearful they might actually look at his post-All Star break statistics, which now sit at .249/.287/.327. Thankfully for the veteran, those nights are few and far between.

“About two weeks ago, I had four hits and scored twice, and I was terrified after the game,” said Bloomquist. “Dayton was down in the clubhouse, congratulating players and I literally had to sneak into a bathroom stall for 35 minutes until I knew he was gone. I keep thinking sooner or later he’s going to look at my stats and I’ll be gone, but maybe if he doesn’t see me, he won’t think about my overall production this year.”

With just a week left in the season, Bloomquist can see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when Moore continues to shower the light-hitting scrapper with praise at every opportunity.

“Willie has been a tremendous addition to our organization and our team this year,” Moore said. “Were you not paying attention when we started out 18-11 this year? Willie was a huge part of that. He was hitting the ball all over the place. Has he come down a little? Maybe, but I’m not paying attention to numbers. We’ve had a lot of injuries and some bad luck come our way. And we can’t turn that 3-6-3 double play to save our lives. But Willie has been a solid professional who I hope stays in Kansas City for many years to come.”